Author: Emotional:(:Thinker

My Tolerance Mysteriously Tanking, part 2

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Humor / relationships / Uncategorized

There’s a distinct possibility that feeding my fish bird food is not the best practice after all.  Another floater. I’m moving ever closer to the Tolerance Tank….this time it’s….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! O.M.G! No, please no! Oh…phew!  It’s not Thor, folks!  That’s a relief. Thor with his creamy white shiny gills is as sweet as he is large. Let’s just say he makes a real impression when he enters a tankful of multicolored fish. Aquatic life rush over […]

Blind Sight

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cognition / emotional scar tissue / human experience / relationships / Uncategorized

           I closed my eyes just for a long second or….maybe six. I was driving down that back road I often take home when there is excessive traffic on the main one. My lids wanted to come back up, to see, I guess. They didn’t trust that my brain could navigate the hills and wide turns on it’s own, without using sight.  So I fought this compulsion to open my eyes. I actually argued […]

Broken. Still so beautiful inside.

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emotional health / human experience / Humor / relationships / Uncategorized

  If you are wondering whether my musical friend, Dave Matthews, has taken me up on my offer to collaborate on some of his well written and inspiring musical pieces, I would say exuberantly that he has! However, what you may not be aware of, is that there are approximately 1,748 men in our United States listed by the name of “David Matthews”.  So, yes, I have made contact with one “David Matthews”, however, I haven’t yet […]

What would you say?

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human experience / Humor / relationships / Uncategorized

  “Fill up your head. Fill up your heart And take your shot. Don’t waste time trying to be Someone you’re not.”  ~Dave Matthews If there is anyone or anything that says real to me, it is the Dave Matthews Band. This man can make something profound out of even the most simple of lyrics. He could make “Go to hell” sound like a great idea. Maybe I’m premenstrual, but these people envelop humanity to me. […]

She asked. The answer was “No.”

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emotional health / human experience / relationships / Uncategorized

  Of  the Seven Deadly Sins she felt she had a starring role in at least five. The first of the seven, ironically enough, she knew all too well.  Lust. It was never about love, it was about desire to her. She’d tried on the love hat too many times. It was always satisfying initially, then grew old and difficult to maintain. It was generally much more work than she was prepared to invest in another human being. […]

The Ten Commandments: Minus the “command” Part

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human experience / Humor / Uncategorized

  Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect to our Ten Commandments. I seek better options to improve the ways we understand them.  Here is my sorry pitiful attempt at making sense of words written in the 13th century B.C. For those of us like myself who really don’t care to follow directions, authority figures, signs, stars, the yellow brick road….what have you, I have taken it on myself to reword the Ten Commandments to sound as if perhaps we weren’t […]

Tolerance Tank on Empty

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human experience / relationships / Uncategorized

  It is a sad day in my kitchen. And today it has absolutely nothing to do with my lack of skill in either the cooking or baking departments.  How I wish this were the case. This is of far more serious importance, with potential for devastating consequences. I woke up to a death.  Not “of sorts”, but a real death.  A heartbeat extinguished. “Someone’s” baby. A dream died right in my very kitchen. I shall explain.  I […]

Dying to Self

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cognition / emotional health / mental health / Uncategorized

Flat. As far as the eye could see. Brown with slight deviations of tan. The sand was lying face down along an area that appeared to transcend time. She stood tall against the background of stillness in the middle of nowhere. For as far as the eye could see it was all flat. Nothing more. She heard herself whisper this fact out loud to no one.  There was no one anywhere that she could see or hear. She […]

Dad appeared to me in spinning class

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emotional scar tissue / Humor / mental health / relationships / Uncategorized

♣Yes, you heard me right.  My father, now reduced to “cremains” (Blog #1 in my “Ashes” series), just showed up right out of the blue.  It wasn’t odd only due to the fact that I’d never seen him in spandex or even on a bike, for that matter, but that I was humming along to a song about miracles.  He died February 26, 2014. I have been waiting rather impatiently since February 27th to hear […]

Stirrings of sanity from the inside looking out

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emotional scar tissue / mental health / Uncategorized

TW for child abuse/sexual assault I remember talking to myself a great deal while growing up amidst chaos.  Through memory and journals I was able to piece some of this together, mostly for self validation, but also to give people a look into the active, alert mind of quiet victims. Three year old me: Stop. But I need to get my medicine. Do not go that way. That’s where the angry voices are. Turn around and […]