All posts filed under: Humor

Transformation in just five (give or take fifty) easy steps.

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cognition / emotional health / emotional scar tissue / human experience / Humor / relationships / Uncategorized

See me. Feel me. Touch me. Heal me.   See me. Feel me. Touch me. Heal me. Listening to you, I get the music. Gazing at you, I get the heat. Following you. I climb the mountain. I get excitement at your feet. Right behind you, I see the millions. On you, I see the glory. From you, I get opinion. From you, I get the story. ~The Who, 1975 You know when you’re at […]

The Flush Heard Around The World

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Humor / relationships

Last you heard, the Stepford Wives were potential conspirators in a murder scheme so sophisticated that, considering their teeny goldfish brain-size (one sixteenth of their actual body size) and their capacity for maintaining information with a memory bank that could hold an estimated half of a thought, (or one verb and one noun respectively) for approximately three months, given they survived that long, it would seem highly unlikely that our heroines of the tank could pull off […]

Belle parole non pascon i gatti (or, “fine words don’t feed cats”).

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human experience / Humor / Uncategorized

  Contrary to what some of my less travel-curious friends may think, I got much more than just an apron depicting full-frontal biblical character, David, in all of his marble glory during my eight day stay in one of the most fascinating and historical places on earth. I got a headful of interesting and useful facts that I can use to finally compete in a game of Trivial Pursuit: The Country Version.  Not only that, but Rome, Italy […]

Impure Thoughts: The story of my life…

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human experience / Humor / Uncategorized

  To wake up and immediately go for the salt and vinegar kettle cooked chips on the corian countertop in the kitchen was naturally a bad idea. The message I received from that small gesture of self-destruction was clear however. I was overwhelmed. It would become that kind of day. A day full of fat-fueled bad ideas. A self-pitying, guilt-induced angry “bite me.”- “what are you looking at?!” kind of day. But it wasn’t supposed to […]

Transitioning with Joy, the noun

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emotional health / human experience / Humor / relationships / Uncategorized

 “Once upon a time there was a beautiful, smart woman and her handsome, intelligent husband who’d had a sweet little princess, who we’ll call “Joy”(because I want to and it’s my damn story). Life was good. Joy was happy initially, however as she neared her 2nd birthday she seemed bored with her doting mother and indifferent to her father who worked long hours at his job. The mother suggested that they have another baby. After […]

My Tolerance Mysteriously Tanking, part 2

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Humor / relationships / Uncategorized

There’s a distinct possibility that feeding my fish bird food is not the best practice after all.  Another floater. I’m moving ever closer to the Tolerance Tank….this time it’s….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! O.M.G! No, please no! Oh…phew!  It’s not Thor, folks!  That’s a relief. Thor with his creamy white shiny gills is as sweet as he is large. Let’s just say he makes a real impression when he enters a tankful of multicolored fish. Aquatic life rush over […]

Broken. Still so beautiful inside.

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emotional health / human experience / Humor / relationships / Uncategorized

  If you are wondering whether my musical friend, Dave Matthews, has taken me up on my offer to collaborate on some of his well written and inspiring musical pieces, I would say exuberantly that he has! However, what you may not be aware of, is that there are approximately 1,748 men in our United States listed by the name of “David Matthews”.  So, yes, I have made contact with one “David Matthews”, however, I haven’t yet […]

What would you say?

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human experience / Humor / relationships / Uncategorized

  “Fill up your head. Fill up your heart And take your shot. Don’t waste time trying to be Someone you’re not.”  ~Dave Matthews If there is anyone or anything that says real to me, it is the Dave Matthews Band. This man can make something profound out of even the most simple of lyrics. He could make “Go to hell” sound like a great idea. Maybe I’m premenstrual, but these people envelop humanity to me. […]

The Ten Commandments: Minus the “command” Part

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human experience / Humor / Uncategorized

  Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect to our Ten Commandments. I seek better options to improve the ways we understand them.  Here is my sorry pitiful attempt at making sense of words written in the 13th century B.C. For those of us like myself who really don’t care to follow directions, authority figures, signs, stars, the yellow brick road….what have you, I have taken it on myself to reword the Ten Commandments to sound as if perhaps we weren’t […]