Mom….? What happens to you when I am no longer your daughter in your mind? When you don’t seem to know me anymore? Does it mean I no longer exist to you? Does it mean you no longer exist as my mother? Do I become, in essence, mother-less? How do I carry on then? How does ANYONE move forward when the cornerstone has been removed from the building they have depended on for shelter for all of their years? […]
Thanksgiving Day, 2014 Dear Dad, This year is the very first year that I remember not avoiding your phone call. Every year of the past forty I have avoided what most consider a mundane task; and admit that I did this in several not-terribly-clever ways. All of which I was reasonably certain you could see right through, as you had the unfortunate hypervigilance of an individual with the brain wiring of a coyote. Always alert. Always defensive. Paranoid. Added to […]
“Once upon a time there was a beautiful, smart woman and her handsome, intelligent husband who’d had a sweet little princess, who we’ll call “Joy”(because I want to and it’s my damn story). Life was good. Joy was happy initially, however as she neared her 2nd birthday she seemed bored with her doting mother and indifferent to her father who worked long hours at his job. The mother suggested that they have another baby. After […]
IS what I’ll say as I stand patiently at the reception desk. A well dressed young lady will then give me a strange look…should she laugh or should she cry? She’ll put down the pen in her hand, as she’s not quite sure what to write down. I won’t say a word as I am extremely humbled at that moment. Usually I fill in awkward moments with gibberish-type banter that slowly erodes as the person gets frustrated […]
Her tattoo read “just be held” in black lowercase typewriter-key font. It was perhaps one of the most impulsive decisions she’d made for the time commitment it required of her body. She treated herself to those particular three words on a warm day in July when she felt like she was coming completely undone. Casting Crowns new release,Thrive, had premiered on Pandora. In a moment of utter despair their song, “Just Be Held” spoke to her. It cut […]
See that? Even these old rusted out cars aren’t alone. Wonder where they were headed? Seems I read about them travelling somewhere in Asia. An earthquake hit and everyone who was able, evacuated their cars and walked to safety. No one ever retrieved their cars as the road was no longer useable. Cars all crushed and mangled together. It’s been many years since. Vehicles as far as the eye can see. This is prompting me to think way more deeply than […]
How very appropriate, I’m thinking to myself as I self-soothe with another bite of my (forbidden) bagel with berry cream cheese. It’s raining…tears. From Heaven, right? How cliché. Do you know how many articles I’ve scanned, Facebook posts I’ve glanced at, Twitter commentary I’ve witnessed, news reports I’ve absorbed in the last 24 hours? The news about Robin Williams’ “apparent suicide” resonates everywhere. People relating to his disease, the major depression, that exhausted him completely as well as the drug […]
Ok, just know going into this that I am both shamelessly venting and possibly overly dramatic. While moving forward don’t blame me for your sudden bout of indigestion. I am feeling angry. And I am resenting the fact that this anger is focused on the almighty power of one of my all time favorite defense mechanisms: Denial. Denial, by it’s most rudimentary definition is a disbelief in the existence or reality of a thing. A noun. Like a massive […]
According to Wikipedia, Complicated Grief Disorder (CGD) is a proposed disorder for those who are significantly and functionally impaired by prolonged grief symptoms for at least one month after six months of bereavement. (1) It is distinguished from non-impairing grief (2) and other disorders. It has been placed in the “lets take a closer look” bin by DSM-5 work groups (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition) who have decided that it be called […]
Cremains are a dictionary term describing how a body turns from flesh and bone to ash. the author explores how difficult this is symbolically and where death fits into a life not lived. A personal account of mental illness, death and cremains.
They Don't Have a Greeting Card for This 