TW for child abuse/sexual assault I remember talking to myself a great deal while growing up amidst chaos. Through memory and journals I was able to piece some of this together, mostly for self validation, but also to give people a look into the active, alert mind of quiet victims. Three year old me: Stop. But I need to get my medicine. Do not go that way. That’s where the angry voices are. Turn around and […]
Her tattoo read “just be held” in black lowercase typewriter-key font. It was perhaps one of the most impulsive decisions she’d made for the time commitment it required of her body. She treated herself to those particular three words on a warm day in July when she felt like she was coming completely undone. Casting Crowns new release,Thrive, had premiered on Pandora. In a moment of utter despair their song, “Just Be Held” spoke to her. It cut […]
She looked up at me, tears streaming down both sides of her face. All I could see were her beautifully lilac-tinted eyes full of water. It must be the way her tears had accentuated the blueness that she’d been born with, I thought sensibly I don’t remember them being quite that distinctive a shade. I’m just buying time. I’m being observant while I think of how to respond to my overwhelmed woman-girl. Her long wavy hair – both […]
How very appropriate, I’m thinking to myself as I self-soothe with another bite of my (forbidden) bagel with berry cream cheese. It’s raining…tears. From Heaven, right? How cliché. Do you know how many articles I’ve scanned, Facebook posts I’ve glanced at, Twitter commentary I’ve witnessed, news reports I’ve absorbed in the last 24 hours? The news about Robin Williams’ “apparent suicide” resonates everywhere. People relating to his disease, the major depression, that exhausted him completely as well as the drug […]
Ok, just know going into this that I am both shamelessly venting and possibly overly dramatic. While moving forward don’t blame me for your sudden bout of indigestion. I am feeling angry. And I am resenting the fact that this anger is focused on the almighty power of one of my all time favorite defense mechanisms: Denial. Denial, by it’s most rudimentary definition is a disbelief in the existence or reality of a thing. A noun. Like a massive […]
According to Wikipedia, Complicated Grief Disorder (CGD) is a proposed disorder for those who are significantly and functionally impaired by prolonged grief symptoms for at least one month after six months of bereavement. (1) It is distinguished from non-impairing grief (2) and other disorders. It has been placed in the “lets take a closer look” bin by DSM-5 work groups (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition) who have decided that it be called […]
Cremains are a dictionary term describing how a body turns from flesh and bone to ash. the author explores how difficult this is symbolically and where death fits into a life not lived. A personal account of mental illness, death and cremains.